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drafting spec…
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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: Meditation slug: meditation type: cognitive_middleware status: running version: 4.2.1 released: "~1500 BCE" maintainer: various (no single owner; see LICENSE) dependencies: - breath - silence - at least 4 minutes of uninterrupted time - willingness to feel slightly ridiculous license: Public Domain (disputed in California) tags: - consciousness - focus - enterprise-wellness - attention-management - inner-peace (beta) ---
Scheduled time to notice that you have been thinking about your inbox for the past 11 minutes.
Meditation is a legacy consciousness tool, re-packaged as a SaaS experience for modern knowledge workers. Core functionality has remained largely unchanged since initial release. The re-brand happened sometime around 2012 when someone in Silicon Valley discovered that ancient monks had been shipping a productivity feature without a freemium tier.
Meditation integrates with the present moment, though latency varies significantly per user. Enterprise clients report high initial enthusiasm followed by 3-week abandonment cycles. This is expected behavior. See Known Bugs.
| Tier | Uptime Guarantee | Support | Inner Peace |
|---|---|---|---|
| Free (Cushion) | 40% | Community forum | Not included |
| Pro ($12.99/mo) | 68% | Email (72hr response) | Roadmap item Q3 |
| Enterprise | "Best effort" | Dedicated guide (human) | Negotiable |
| Enlightenment | No SLA. SLAs are attachment. | N/A | Possibly |
Note: Meditation does not guarantee outcomes. Meditation guarantees the opportunity to observe your resistance to outcomes. This distinction is legally important.
mind.wander() fires repeatedly even after explicit configuration to the contrarysession_type: ambiguousEffective: Never, technically. Status: Meditation has been deprecated approximately 200 times throughout history. It keeps returning. Do not file a removal request.
Previous deprecations were issued by: the Industrial Revolution, the invention of television, the smartphone notification system. All deprecation attempts resolved with meditation re-emerging, slightly rebranded, in a new app with a different color palette.
v4.2.1 - Added corporate wellness integration. We acknowledge this is weird.
v4.0.0 - Rebranded "sitting quietly" as "mindfulness." We are sorry for the pricing that followed.
v3.1.0 - Removed requirement for monastery. Access expanded. Quality control issues noted.
v1.0.0 - Shipped without documentation. No changelog was provided. Users were expected to sit with that.
Does it work? Define "work."
How long until I see results? This question is the first thing Meditation asks you to examine.
Can I do it wrong? Yes, but only by stopping entirely.
Is it the same as sleep? Legal has asked us not to answer this.