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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
---
name: Television
slug: television
type: appliance / cultural substrate
status: running
version: 14.2.1
released: 1927-09-07
maintainer: no one in particular
dependencies:
- electricity
- broadcast signal or streaming protocol
- human attention
- the dark
- mild dissociation
license: Proprietary (terms change without notice)
tags:
- screen
- narrative
- furniture
- hypnosis
- consensus reality
---
# Television
## What it actually is
A rectangle that replaced the fireplace as the thing a room is organized around, and [boredom](/boredom) as the thing an evening is organized around.
## How it works
1. Light is arranged into moving pictures at a rate fast enough that the [human brain](/human-brain) interprets them as continuous.
2. The pictures tell stories, sell products, or report on disasters. Often simultaneously.
3. The viewer adjusts posture toward horizontal.
4. Time passes. Quantity varies. Accountability does not apply.
The core loop: you sit down for one episode. The next one begins automatically. You are now in a negotiation with yourself that you will lose.
## Features
- **Passive intake mode**: requires no skill, no reciprocity, no shoes
- **Ambient presence**: can be on without being watched, functions as [loneliness](/loneliness) insulation
- **Shared mythology engine**: generates common reference points across otherwise incompatible people
- **Breaking news protocol**: converts ordinary evenings into low-grade emergencies
- **Prestige drama pipeline**: delivers the sensation of having good taste at the cost of approximately 60 hours per season
## Configuration
```yaml
# /etc/television/viewer.conf
volume: too_loud_if_parent # scales with age
brightness: default
subtitles: enabled_but_not_because_of_hearing
autoplay: true # always true. non-configurable.
sleep_timer: set_but_ignored
content_mode: "whatever's on"
guilt_threshold: 0.0 # deprecated in v9.0, never restored
| Code | Meaning |
|---|---|
ERR_NO_SIGNAL | The world has nothing to say right now. Unlikely. |
ERR_CONTENT_VOID | 400 channels. Nothing on. Classical condition. |
ERR_VIEWER_ASLEEP | Nominal. Session ends. Television continues. |
ERR_REMOTE_MISSING | Critical failure. Manual override required. Nobody remembers how. |
Is television bad for you? Depends entirely on what you're using it to avoid.
Is there good television? Yes. This fact is used to justify watching all of it.
What happens if you turn it off? silence. Then, eventually, thoughts.