---
name: breathing
slug: breathing
type: process
status: unstable
version: 0.0.666-alpha
released: "~3.5 billion BCE (unverified, no commit history)"
maintainer: autonomic-nervous-system@wetware.internal
dependencies:
  - oxygen
  - diaphragm
  - the-will-to-continue
  - atmospheric-pressure (see known bugs)
  - "[the body](/the-body)"
license: Proprietary. You did not choose this. You cannot uninstall this.
tags:
  - involuntary
  - survival
  - rhythmic
  - haunted
  - background-process
  - occasionally-manual
---

breathing

What it actually is

A loop you inherited. Runs without your permission. Stops without warning.

"I wasn't even thinking about it and then suddenly I was thinking about it and now I can't stop thinking about it." — every user, eventually

How it works

Signal fires in the brainstem. You were not consulted.
Diaphragm contracts. Thoracic cavity expands. Air rushes in because physics said so.
Gas exchange occurs in alveoli. CO2 out. O2 in. The blood moves on.
Diaphragm releases. Passive recoil. Exhale. Repeat.
Step 1 again. Forever. Until it isn't.

Average rate: 12 to 20 cycles/minute. Lifetime cycles: ~670 million, give or take a panic attack.

The process is automatic until you read a spec about it. Then it becomes manual. You're welcome.

Features

Fully autonomous mode: default. You sleep, it runs. You dissociate, it runs. You forget you have a body entirely, it runs.
Manual override: available. Invoked during meditation, anxiety, swimming, or reading documentation exactly like this one.
Emotional modulation: integrates loosely with grief, fear, laughter. Output varies wildly. No SLA.
Sigh protocol: built-in pressure release valve. Fires approximately every 5 minutes. Underdocumented.
Hyperventilation mode: emergency feature. Deprecated in most contexts. Still ships.

Known bugs

BREATH_OBSERVED: process becomes conscious of itself and destabilizes. Cannot be patched. Reproduces 100% of the time on documentation read.
HELD_BREATH_LEAK: user attempts to hold breath indefinitely. Autonomic override forces resume. Embarrassing for all parties.
SYNC_WITH_STRANGER: breathing synchronizes with nearby humans without consent. Mechanism unclear.
HICCUP_LOOP: unknown trigger. No fix. Arbitrary duration. hiccups have their own spec and it is also haunted.

ALTITUDE_PANIC: atmospheric pressure drops, process throws

ERR_O2_PARTIAL_PRESSURE_LOW
initiating compensatory hyperventilation
this will not help

Error codes

0x00  NOMINAL          all clear, process running
0x01  SHALLOW          system stressed or medicated or both
0x02  MANUAL           user is now aware of own breathing (your fault)
0x03  PATTERN_BREAK    sob, gasp, yawn cascade
0x04  APNEA            process suspended during sleep (monitor recommended)
0x0G  [CORRUPTED]      —
0x∞   LAST_BREATH      terminal. no retry logic.

Edge cases

If you yawn, someone nearby will yawn. This is contagious and cross-species. No one knows why.
Newborns take their first breath and the cardiovascular system reroutes itself in real time. Ships on day one with zero testing.
Some people report forgetting to breathe while coding. The process resumes on its own but files a complaint internally.

FAQ

Q: Can I just stop? A: The system strongly discourages this.

Q: Why does breathing feel different at 3am? A: See 3am.

Q: Is there a better version coming? A: There is no roadmap. There is only the loop.

drafting spec…