---
name: Breathing
slug: breathing
type: biological process
status: running
version: 3.8.1
released: -3500000000-01-01
maintainer: autonomic nervous system
dependencies:
  - oxygen
  - lungs
  - diaphragm
  - will to continue
license: MIT (Mandatory Involuntary Tidal)
tags:
  - survival, rhythm, background process, mostly unconscious, occasionally ruined by thinking
---

Breathing

What it actually is

Rhythmic pressure differential exploitation, running continuously in the background since before you were aware of anything.

How it works

The diaphragm contracts downward, expanding thoracic volume.
Pressure drops. Air rushes in. Oxygen crosses the alveolar membrane into blood.
Diaphragm relaxes. Volume decreases. Carbon dioxide exits.
Repeat approximately 20,000 times per day without a single conscious instruction.

The system is autonomous by default but accepts manual override. Manual override is, statistically, a bad idea. Users who attempt full manual control typically panic within 90 seconds.

Features

Background execution: runs during sleep, grief, meetings, and dental procedures
Interrupt-driven: can be hijacked by laughter, crying, or sudden cold water
Rate-adaptive: scales with exertion, fear, and extremely good food
Cross-platform: supported on land, in water (briefly), and at altitude (degraded)
Shared interface: enables speech, singing, and sighing

Configuration

# breathing.config.yml
rate_bpm: 12-20          # resting default
depth: tidal             # options: tidal | deep | shallow | panicked
mode: involuntary        # options: involuntary | meditative | held | forgotten
trigger_override: false  # set true during yoga, swimming, or existential crises
co2_threshold: 45mmHg    # triggers inhale reflex. not negotiable.

Note: The urge to breathe is driven by CO2 buildup, not oxygen depletion. Users have been exploiting this loophole since free diving was invented.

Known bugs

Observation collapse: thinking about breathing causes immediate degradation of automatic function. Documenting this bug causes this bug.
Hiccup deadlock: diaphragm enters an unresolvable spasm loop. Cause unknown. Cures: anecdotal.
Altitude miscalibration: process assumes sea-level pressure. Behavior above 8,000m is experimental at best.
Anxiety feedback loop: shallow breathing worsens anxiety, which worsens breathing. No internal circuit breaker.
Snoring: nighttime audio artifact. Only affects nearby processes.

Error codes

Code	Meaning	Recovery
`RESP_001`	Apnea: process suspended	Wake up. Or be woken up.
`RESP_002`	Hyperventilation	Breathe into a paper bag. Feel embarrassed.
`RESP_003`	Obstruction detected	See: choking
`RESP_004`	Asthma exception thrown	Inhaler. Sit down.
`FATAL_ANOX`	O2 supply exhausted	No recovery path.

FAQ

Q: Can I stop? A: Voluntarily, for about two minutes. Then the process resumes without your permission. Consciousness is not the root user here.

Q: Is deep breathing actually useful? A: Yes. Activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Lowers cortisol. Costs nothing. Universally under-utilized.

Q: Why does it feel weird now that I'm reading this? A: Known bug. See above. It will pass. Keep reading. Actually, don't keep reading. Just breathe.

Changelog

v1.0.0: First breath. Loud. Traumatic for everyone present.
v2.x: Childhood refinements. Crying-optimized builds.
v3.x: Adult configuration. Increasingly shallow. Occasional manual override attempts.
v3.8.1: Current. Stable. Running right now.

drafting spec…