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drafting spec…
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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
---
name: Cortisol
slug: cortisol
type: hormone / runtime process
status: running
version: 4.2.1-chronic
released: "~500,000,000 BCE"
maintainer: adrenal-glands@hypothalamic-pituitary-axis.bio
dependencies:
- hypothalamus
- pituitary-gland
- adrenal-cortex
- cholesterol
- perceived-threat
license: Evolutionary Commons v1.0 (irrevocable)
tags:
- stress
- survival
- metabolism
- inflammation
- sleep-disruption
- memory
- the-body
---
# Cortisol
## What it actually is
A glucocorticoid steroid that the body releases when it thinks you are about to be eaten, then forgets to turn off.
## How it works
1. [The brain](/the-brain) detects a threat. Real, imagined, or a strongly worded email.
2. The hypothalamus fires corticotropin-releasing hormone (CRH) at the pituitary.
3. Pituitary fires ACTH at the adrenal glands.
4. Adrenal cortex synthesizes cortisol from [cholesterol](/cholesterol) and dumps it into the bloodstream.
5. Blood sugar spikes. Immune response damps. Heart rate climbs. Non-essential processes (digestion, reproduction, long-term planning) get deprioritized.
6. Threat resolves, or does not. Either way, repeat in 47 minutes.
The feedback loop includes a shutoff valve. In most modern users, the shutoff valve is jammed.
## Features
- **Acute energy mobilization**: pulls glucose from storage and makes it immediately available
- **Anti-inflammatory response**: temporarily suppresses immune activity during emergencies
- **Memory consolidation**: tags emotionally significant events for long-term storage, which is why you still remember that thing from 2009
- **Circadian anchoring**: peaks at dawn to wake the system, which is why [alarm clocks](/alarm-clocks) feel like violence
- **Fat redistribution**: moves lipids toward the abdomen for convenient proximity to vital organs during a crisis that is not happening
## Known bugs
| Bug ID | Description | Severity |
|--------|-------------|----------|
| CRT-001 | Chronic elevation from non-mortal stressors | Critical |
| CRT-002 | Suppresses [sleep](/sleep) architecture when elevated at night | High |
| CRT-003 | Degrades hippocampal neurons over time, impairing the memory it was supposed to help | High |
| CRT-004 | Promotes visceral fat accumulation in low-threat environments | Medium |
| CRT-005 | Cannot distinguish between deadline and predator | By design |
> "It saved my life exactly once and has been ruining my sleep ever since."
> — Anonymous user, reviewed on the body
## Configuration
```yaml
# Default values. Not user-editable.
baseline_nM: 100-200 # morning
nadir_nM: 50-100 # midnight
chronic_threshold_nM: 300+ # where the bugs kick in
half_life_minutes: 60-90
trigger_sensitivity: high # set at compile time, cannot be patched
Cortisol cannot run without perceived threat. This is the core architectural problem. The system was designed for threats that exist in physical space and resolve in under three minutes. It was not designed for late-stage capitalism, open-plan offices, or the notification dot.