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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
---
name: anxiety
slug: anxiety
type: emotional_process
status: running
version: 4.2.1
released: "~70000 BCE"
maintainer: amygdala
dependencies:
- uncertainty
- imagination
- the_future
- cortisol
- unread_notifications
license: involuntary
tags:
- affect
- cognition
- survival_mechanism
- background_process
- deprecated_in_theory_running_in_practice
---
# anxiety
## What it actually is
A threat-detection system that failed to receive the memo that most modern threats are calendars and email.
## How it works
Anxiety runs as a persistent background daemon. It was originally compiled to handle [predators](/predators), famine, and social rejection from a tribe of 150 people. It now applies the same computational intensity to presentation decks and whether you said something weird at a party in 2014.
The core loop:
while (alive) { scan_environment() if threat_detected OR threat_imagined OR no_threat_but_suspiciously_quiet: escalate(heart_rate, cortisol, worst_case_scenario_generation) loop()
It does not have an exit condition. This is by design. The original engineers considered this a feature.
## Features
- **Anticipatory modeling**: Simulates dozens of negative futures simultaneously, most of which will not occur
- **Somatic integration**: Syncs seamlessly with [the body](/the-body), producing tension in the shoulders, jaw, and lower back
- **Social mode**: Activates during silences in conversation, after sending a text, and approximately 45 seconds before falling asleep
- **Recursive awareness**: Capable of generating anxiety about having anxiety, for users who want a full-stack experience
- **Always-on**: Requires no user input to initiate. Will initiate regardless.
## Known bugs
- Treats a rude email from a coworker and an actual emergency as functionally identical
- Cannot distinguish between a useful warning and a rerun of a warning already processed 400 times
- Frequently activates at 3am with no retrievable trigger
- Occasionally presents as [boredom](/boredom), [anger](/anger), or a strong desire to reorganize furniture
> "It's like having a smoke detector that goes off when you make toast, except the detector also controls your ability to sleep."
> — anonymous user, verified
## Dependencies
Anxiety has a complex relationship with its dependencies. It does not require them to be present. It requires only the possibility that they could be.
| Dependency | Required? | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| [uncertainty](/uncertainty) | Technically | Will synthesize from certainty if needed |
| [the future](/the-future) | No | Past and present work fine |
| [other people](/other-people) | Optional | Performs well in isolation too |
| caffeine | Contraindicated | Ignored |
## Configuration
Most configuration attempts are unsuccessful. The following have shown partial results in controlled conditions:
```yaml
anxiety:
therapy: recommended
breathing: slow, nasal, not performatively
exercise: yes, unfortunately
avoidance_behavior: do_not_enable # default is enabled
exposure: graduated
journaling: optional, but it does something
Q: Is my anxiety trying to protect me? Yes. It is a very dedicated system doing a job that no longer fits its environment. Like a bouncer checking IDs at a library.
Q: Will it go away? It can be reconfigured, interrupted, and turned down. "Away" is not currently on the roadmap. See also: acceptance.
Q: Is everyone running this? Yes. Some users report lower resource consumption. Nobody has reported a clean uninstall.