--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
drafting spec…
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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
---
name: Your First Crush
slug: your-first-crush
type: emotional_process
status: legacy
version: 1.0.0
released: childhood
maintainer: unknown (believed to be abandoned)
dependencies:
- proximity
- puberty
- misread signals
- a hallway
license: MIT (you did not consent to this installation)
tags:
- love
- grief
- formative damage
- pattern-setting
- before you knew better
---
# Your First Crush
## What it actually is
The first time the nervous system confused [longing](/longing) with love, and then built everything else on top of that confusion.
## How it works
Installation is silent and automatic. One day someone exists. The next day they are the organizing principle of your week. You do not choose this. The process selects a target based on opaque criteria: a laugh, a specific way of standing, the fact that they spoke directly to you once in October.
The runtime then does the following:
1. Inflates the target into a symbol
2. Converts all neutral interactions into evidence
3. Schedules obsessive review cycles at 2am
4. Generates an alternate self who is cooler, funnier, and not currently doing this
The crush does not know it is a crush. It is just a person. This asymmetry is load-bearing.
## Features
- Produces [hope](/hope) at scale, for free, with no inputs
- Makes certain songs permanently radioactive
- Teaches pattern recognition, badly
- Generates the first draft of your [attachment style](/attachment-style)
- Runs indefinitely on nothing but proximity and ambiguity
## Known Bugs
This is the main event. Do not skip.
- **Memory leak:** The target remains cached long after process termination. Resurfaces randomly at age 34 in a grocery store parking lot.
- **Signal inversion:** Kindness is parsed as romantic interest. Indifference is parsed as a challenge. Cruelty is sometimes parsed as flirting. All inputs map to hope. The parser is broken by design.
- **Phantom architecture:** The version of the target that you fell for was not the target. It was a rendering. You wrote them. You fell for your own work. This is the bug that ships with all future versions of [love](/love).
- **Calibration drift:** Whatever this person did or did not do becomes the baseline. Their specific way of ignoring you becomes the emotional tuning fork against which all future relationships are, unconsciously, measured.
- **No graceful exit:** There is no formal rejection flow in most installs. The process just degrades. You stop noticing. You move. Time passes. The crush ends the way old software ends: not uninstalled, just no longer opened.
- **Logging failure:** You will remember this wrong. The feelings will be accurate. The facts will not.
## Error Codes
ERR_UNREQUITED // nominal, expected, do not file ticket ERR_THEY_LIKED_SOMEONE_ELSE // fatal to the week, non-fatal overall ERR_YOU_SAID_SOMETHING // unrecoverable in middle school ERR_THEY_FOUND_OUT // initiates chaos mode WARN_WRITING_THEIR_NAME_REPEATEDLY // benign, embarrassing in retrospect
## Changelog
- **v1.0.0:** Initial release. No documentation. No warning label.
- **v1.0.1:** Rejection received. System destabilizes briefly.
- **v1.0.2:** New crush detected. Migration begins automatically.
- **Deprecated:** Replaced by [your first relationship](/your-first-relationship), which has more features and worse bugs.
## Deprecation Notice
This module is no longer active but cannot be fully removed. It lives in `/memory/formative/`, takes up no space, and occasionally writes to the log for no reason.
The data it collected is still being used by processes you have not audited.