---
name: validation
slug: validation
type: psycho-social protocol / chronic background process
status: unstable
version: 0.0.666-alpha
released: "before language, probably"
maintainer: everyone and no one (see: [the void](/the-void))
dependencies:
  - other_people
  - self_worth.exe (missing)
  - fear_of_invisibility
  - mirrors (unreliable)
  - childhood (legacy, cannot be removed)
license: none. you do not own this. it owns you.
tags:
  - emotional-infrastructure
  - distributed-system
  - single-point-of-failure
  - haunted
  - please-see-me
---

validation

What it actually is

A request, sent to external servers, asking them to confirm that you exist and that it is okay that you do.

How it works

Internal state becomes uncertain. This happens constantly.
A signal is emitted. Verbally, behaviorally, via Instagram, via extremely good posture at a party.
Signal reaches a receiver. The receiver is busy. The receiver misreads the signal. The receiver responds anyway.
Response is parsed. If positive: temporary relief. If absent: the loop tightens.
Go to step 1.

"I just needed someone to tell me it was fine." [process still running, 34 years later]

The latency between request and response is the part that causes all the damage.

Features

Distributed architecture: any human can serve as a validation node, including strangers on the internet, ex-partners, and your dentist
Caching disabled by default: yesterday's compliment does not count today, sorry
Auto-invalidation: positive responses decay within 4 to 72 hours depending on attachment style
Cross-platform: works in relationships, workplaces, comment sections, therapy, and parking lots
Infinite loop protection: none. there is no infinite loop protection.

Error codes

ERR_NO_RESPONSE         — they didn't react. what does that mean. what does that MEAN.
ERR_WRONG_VALIDATOR     — received from someone whose opinion shouldn't matter (it matters)
ERR_CONDITIONAL_RETURN  — praise came with terms and conditions (see: [parents](/parents))
ERR_SELF_SIGNED         — attempted internal validation. certificate not trusted.
ERR_TIMEOUT_34MS        — they paused before saying "yeah totally" and now everything is wrong
WARN_DEPENDENCY_LOOP    — you are validating their need for validation while they validate yours
FATAL_CORE_DUMP         — they said "you seem really confident" and you haven't recovered

Known bugs

Self-validation compiles but does not run
The people most needed for validation are structurally least able to provide it (this is by design) (nobody designed this)
Receiving validation sometimes makes the need worse. engineers have looked at this. engineers have given up.
Validation sought through achievement tends to validate the achievement, not the self. the self remains unread.

[SECTION CORRUPTED]

we were going to write about healthy self-worth here but the file the file is

Edge cases

Some users report brief periods of not needing external validation. These are called "regulated nervous systems" or "Tuesday afternoons in autumn." They do not last.
Validation from a crowd of thousands registers as less meaningful than validation from one specific person who has not texted back.
Giving validation to others sometimes briefly simulates receiving it. This is called generosity or avoidance, depending on who you ask.

FAQ

Q: Can I fix this? A: Partially. With sustained effort, community, and something resembling self-compassion, the loop slows. It does not stop. You learn to watch it run without climbing inside.

Q: Is needing validation bad? A: It is spectacularly human. The spec ships this way. File a complaint with evolution.

Q: Why does it feel like this? A: Unknown. Marked as wontfix.

drafting spec…