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drafting spec…
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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: "The Version of Them You Invented in Your Head" slug: the-version-of-them-you-invented-in-your-head type: cognitive_construct status: deprecated version: 4.2.1 released: "the moment you met them" maintainer: your_subconscious_llc dependencies: - selective_attention - confirmation_bias - loneliness - that_one_good_conversation - the_way_they_laughed_once license: Proprietary (you do not, in fact, own this) tags: - attachment - projection - parasocial - enterprise_delusion - not_a_real_person ---
A fully featured projection engine, delivered as a person-shaped SaaS product, hosted entirely on your own infrastructure, with zero input from the actual vendor.
The Version of Them You Invented in Your Head (hereinafter "the Product") is a cognitive simulation offering a seamless, personalized experience of another human being, optimized entirely for your existing preferences, fears, and unresolved narrative arcs.
The Product is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or in any way representative of the actual person it is based on. Any resemblance to real behavior is coincidental and will be corrected in a future patch that you will not enjoy.
"I thought I knew him." - Every enterprise customer, Q1 through Q4, every year
| Tier | Features | Cost |
|---|---|---|
| Free (Crush) | Basic idealization, 3 daydreams/day | Your attention |
| Pro (Dating) | Expanded lore, custom backstory, red flag suppression | Your time, some money |
| Enterprise (Long-term) | Full mythology, shared calendar, furniture | Multiple years, compounding |
| Legacy (Post-breakup) | Read-only access, haunted | Ongoing |
Note: Downgrading from Enterprise to Legacy is irreversible and not covered by standard support.
The Product guarantees 99.9% uptime inside your own head. Outside your head, uptime is 0%. The actual person operates on a completely separate, unaffiliated architecture and is not bound by any SLA you have mentally drafted.
Response times for the Product are instantaneous. Response times for the actual person may vary, tend toward disappointing, and are not the Product's department.
The Product is officially deprecated as of whenever you last found out something true about them. Migration to the actual person is recommended but known to be painful and often results in a full uninstall of the relationship.
No further feature development will occur. The Product will not be updated to reflect who they have become or who they always were.
You created this. You maintain it. You are not permitted to invoice anyone for it. All support tickets go to your therapist.