--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
drafting spec…
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: The Version of Them You Invented in Your Head slug: the-version-of-them-you-invented-in-your-head type: cognitive_construct status: deprecated version: 0.0.1-final released: the third conversation maintainer: you (unverified) dependencies: - selective_memory - projection - loneliness - confirmation_bias - that_one_look_they_gave_you license: proprietary (you do not own this) tags: - attachment - delusion - grief - parasocial - self-inflicted ---
A detailed, load-bearing fiction installed in the emotional core of your architecture, mistaken for a person.
You met someone. There were gaps in the data. Your brain, which abhors a vacuum and loves a story, filled every gap with the best possible version of a human being. You assigned them your favorite qualities. You built them a rich interior life. You gave them the exact kind of depth that would make them perfect for you specifically. This was not generosity. This was construction.
The real person continued existing separately, largely unaware they had a doppelganger living rent-free in your prefrontal cortex.
The construct runs on a feedback loop: behaviors that confirm the fiction get logged. Behaviors that contradict it get filed under "they were having a bad day."
This is the main event.
The person does not match the spec. They never did. The spec was authored entirely by you, in the dark, using incomplete information and strong longing.
The construct is non-updatable. When the real person presents contradicting data, the construct rejects the patch. You find excuses. You wait for them to return to the version you prefer. They will not. That version never shipped.
Grief fires on the wrong object. When the relationship ends, you mourn the construct, not the person. The person is still alive somewhere, unchanged. You are devastated by the loss of something that never existed. This grief is real. The cause is not.
The construct scales with distance. More silence from the actual person means more runtime for the invented one. Long-distance and no-contact are unintentional performance optimizations.
Comparison crashes real candidates. Every subsequent person gets benchmarked against a fictional being with zero flaws and your exact aesthetic preferences. Nobody compiles.
The original person cannot consent to what you built. They did not submit a pull request. You forked them without permission and called the fork the real one.
Deprecation is recursive. You know this. You are reading a document about it. You are still running the process in a background tab.
ERR_PERSON_NOT_FOUND // who you wanted is not in this body
ERR_EXPECTATION_OVERFLOW // they cannot hold what you needed them to be
ERR_NULL_RECIPROCITY // the version that loved you back does not exist
WARN_CONSTRUCT_STILL_RUNNING // check your task manager
FATAL_SELF_AUTHORED_GRIEF // no patch available
This construct is marked deprecated as of the moment you first felt something was off but explained it away. A replacement is not available. The recommended path is to close the process, allow disillusionment to complete its full runtime, and make contact with the actual person or their actual absence.
Neither is what you wanted. Both are real.
"I knew who he was. I just liked who I thought he was better." — every user, eventually