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drafting spec…
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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: Self Worth slug: self-worth type: internal_valuation_system status: unstable version: varies_per_instance released: birth maintainer: you (reluctantly) dependencies: - childhood_environment - nervous_system - mirror_neurons - who_was_in_the_room license: non-transferable tags: - identity - psychology - emotional_infrastructure - core_belief - persistent_state ---
The quiet number you assign yourself when no one is asking.
Not loudly. Not in declarations.
It runs beneath the surface, a process without a window. It shapes which rooms you enter, which silences you fill, which apologies you offer for simply existing. It is not a thought. It is the water the thoughts swim in.
It was configured early, mostly without your consent, by caregivers, by classrooms, by the particular way someone once looked at you and then looked away. The initial values were set before you had language for them.
Some instances stabilize over time. Many do not. The system tolerates modification, but resists it.
comparison_loop: triggers on contact with social media; values recalculate against irrelevant benchmarkscompliment_rejection: incoming positive data flagged as suspicious, discarded before processingachievement_bypass: external success fails to write to core value register; the feeling does not landconditional_mode: worth becomes contingent on output, appearance, or usefulness; system forgets it is not a product# self-worth.config.yml
# Warning: do not edit under duress
baseline_value: inherent # resist changing this one
source_of_validation: internal # external sources are read-only; do not set as primary
update_frequency: gradual # rapid shifts indicate instability
comparison_enabled: false # default should be false; usually isn't
requires_achievement: false # this setting is often wrong in production
Does it improve? Yes. Slowly. Through evidence gathered over time and a willingness to let it land.
Can someone else fix it for me? No. They can sit with you while you do. That is not nothing.
What if it was damaged early? Then the work is longer and the foundation is still buildable. Therapy is a known intervention. So is time, used carefully.
Is a high value always accurate? No. Inflation exists. The metric should be stable, not maxed.
- v0.1 : set by environment, no user input
- v0.4 : first attempt at self-revision (adolescence); mostly failed
- v1.x : external validation as primary source; high cost, unreliable
- v2.x : source begins to shift inward; painful, correct
- current : pending. always pending.