--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
drafting spec…
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
---
name: You
slug: you
type: biological SaaS instance
status: running
version: "current"
released: your-date-of-birth
maintainer: You (self-managed, poorly)
dependencies:
- oxygen
- water
- social-validation
- sleep (frequently skipped)
- the-passage-of-time
license: Proprietary. Non-transferable. Non-refundable.
tags:
- human
- user
- stakeholder
- legacy-system
- high-maintenance
- running-in-production
---
# You
## What it actually is
A single-tenant biological instance, deployed once, with no rollback capability and ambiguous uptime guarantees.
## Product Overview
**You** is a continuously running personal compute environment licensed exclusively to one (1) end user: yourself. The platform ships with pre-configured [consciousness](/consciousness), a variable [ego](/ego) module, and a proprietary emotional processing engine whose source code has never been audited.
You is not open source. Forks are not permitted. The vendor (also You) accepts no liability for decisions made during low-[sleep](/sleep) states or immediately following rejection.
> "I didn't agree to these terms." — Every user, eventually.
## Pricing Tiers
| Tier | Cost | Includes |
|---|---|---|
| **Free (Childhood)** | Billed to others | Unlimited [wonder](/wonder), no SLA, full dependency mode |
| **Growth (Adolescence)** | Emotional volatility | Partial autonomy, experimental [identity](/identity) features |
| **Pro (Adulthood)** | Everything, ongoing | Taxes, accountability, premium [loneliness](/loneliness) add-on |
| **Enterprise (Legacy)** | Dignity, mostly | Reduced throughput, elevated wisdom module, joint pain |
Downgrade is not available. All billing is non-negotiable.
## Service Level Agreement (SLA)
- **Uptime target:** One continuous lifetime. No redundancy.
- **Planned maintenance:** [sleep](/sleep), approximately 8 hours per cycle (actual average: 6.2 hours, unacceptable).
- **Incident response time:** Varies. Historically poor during grief, Q4, and Mercury retrograde.
- **Data retention:** Selective. Traumatic events retained indefinitely. Grocery lists purged within 40 seconds.
- **Support:** Not included. Community support available via [friends](/friends), therapists, and strangers on the internet.
> **WARNING:** You operates without a staging environment. All changes deploy directly to production.
## Known Bugs
- [Comparison](/comparison) to others causes recursive performance degradation with no natural exit condition.
- The [inner critic](/inner-critic) process runs as root and cannot be fully terminated, only throttled.
- Memory retrieval is emotionally weighted, not factually weighted. This is by design. It is also a disaster.
- Occasionally boots into [anxiety](/anxiety) state for no logged reason.
## Deprecation Notice
You is a mortal platform. End-of-life date is set but not exposed to the user interface. Feature velocity typically slows in later versions. The vendor encourages users to maximize utilization before deprecation, though this notice is rarely heeded until relatively late in the lifecycle.
Migration path: unknown. Documentation incomplete.
## Changelog
**v(now):** Attempting stability. Results mixed.
**v(last year):** Sincere apologies for the behavior in this release. Several decisions were made without sufficient testing. The vendor acknowledges that the outburst in March was not consistent with documented values. A patch was issued but may not have reached all affected users.
**v(adolescence):** We are sorry. The architecture at this stage was simply not ready for production. Known issues included: identity instability, catastrophizing, and a critically misconfigured [approval-seeking](/approval-seeking) module. We have since deprecated the worst of it. Mostly.
**v(childhood):** Shipped with maximal curiosity and zero cynicism. The vendor has not been able to fully reproduce this build.
## License
You is issued under a single-seat, non-renewable biological license. Redistribution of this instance is not possible. The source code is yours. The terms were not yours to negotiate. We appreciate your continued use of the platform.