--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
drafting spec…
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: README slug: readme type: document status: running version: 4.2.1 released: 1971-01-01 maintainer: Whoever Pushed Last dependencies: - text-editor - good-intentions - project-that-actually-works - caffeine license: Proprietary (All Rights Reserved, We Mean It This Time) tags: - documentation - onboarding - false-promises - first-impressions - technical-debt-adjacent ---
A document that describes what a thing is, placed where people will see it, written in the voice of the person who understood the thing least recently.
README is an enterprise-grade plaintext interface designed to facilitate stakeholder alignment around the purpose, configuration, and intended use of any given software project, idea, or poorly organized folder. README integrates seamlessly with your existing confusion and delivers clarity at the point of abandonment.
README has been trusted by developers, researchers, and people who just zipped something and emailed it since 1971. We take that legacy seriously. Legally.
| Tier | Contents | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Free | Installation instructions that skip three steps | $0 |
| Pro | Screenshots that no longer match the UI | $0 |
| Enterprise | A "Contributing" section nobody reads | $0 |
| Platinum | Accurate documentation, actively maintained | Contact Sales |
Note: Platinum tier availability is subject to team bandwidth, sprint commitments, and the heat death of the universe.
README guarantees 99.9% uptime as a file. README does not guarantee that the file is correct, current, or written in a human language. Discrepancies between README and actual behavior are classified as "known divergences" and tracked in a backlog with no assigned owner.
Response time for README inaccuracies: Best Effort. Resolution time: See Roadmap. The roadmap is not public.
The "Installation" section of all READMEs created before the current major version is hereby deprecated. Dependencies have changed. The environment you are using is not the environment we tested in. We assumed you knew that. This is documented in the README.
v4.2.1 - Fixed a typo introduced in v4.2.0. The typo was load-bearing.
v4.2.0 - Rewrote onboarding section. Removed the warning that was keeping people safe. We apologize.
v4.1.x - The "Quick Start" section promised five minutes. We have reviewed our estimates. We are sorry.
v3.0.0 - Migrated from plain .txt to .md. Introduced Markdown formatting. Broke rendering for 40% of users. We were going through something.
v1.0.0 - Initial commit. Message: "add readme". Content: "TODO."
Does README replace actual documentation? README believes so. README is wrong. See technical debt.
Who is responsible for keeping README current? This is an open question in philosophy and in your team's RACI matrix.
What if README contradicts the code? The code is correct. README is aspirational. Both are you.