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drafting spec…
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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: Food slug: food type: biological-saas status: running version: 4.6.1-billion released: "~3,700,000,000 BCE" maintainer: Evolution (acquired by Agriculture LLC, ~10,000 BCE) dependencies: - sunlight - water - soil - sufficient-motivation-to-eat license: Proprietary (sublicensed to all known organisms, non-transferable after death) tags: - sustenance - consumption - energy - flavor - survival - enterprise-tier ---
A recurring subscription to continued existence, billed multiple times daily.
Food is the industry-leading energy delivery platform for biological entities. Originally launched as a single-tier open-source solution (photosynthesis), Food has since expanded into a sprawling multi-vertical ecosystem covering solids, liquids, semi-solids, and things you eat at 2am that technically do not qualify as any of the above.
Food integrates natively with the human body, hunger, and most known metabolic runtimes. API documentation is limited. The stomach does not accept pull requests.
"We did not ask to be enrolled in this service. Billing began at birth." — Every user, eventually
| Tier | Calories/Day | Flavor Profile | Support |
|---|---|---|---|
| Subsistence | 800-1200 | Minimal | None |
| Standard | 2000 | Adequate | Community forums (family) |
| Premium | Unlimited | Curated, seasonal | Dedicated nutritionist |
| Enterprise | Wagyu, truffle, tasting menus | Artisanal | Personal chef, Michelin access |
| Free Trial | Whatever is in the fridge | Unclear | You are on your own |
Pricing in Enterprise tier is not published. If you have to ask, you are on Standard.
Note: Food does not guarantee emotional resolution. That is a separate product.
The following legacy features are deprecated and will be removed in a future release:
v4.6.1-billion Ultraprocessed variant rollout. Legal reviewed. Approved. We are sorry.
v4.5.0 Introduced global supply chain. Efficiency gains noted. Equity distribution bugs remain open. We are working on it.
v4.2.0 Agricultural revolution patch. Scaled throughput significantly. Introduced monoculture dependency. We acknowledge this was suboptimal. We are sorry.
v3.1.0 Fire support added. Unlocked the Maillard reaction. No notes. This was good.
v0.1.0 Initial release. Photosynthesis only. Worked fine, honestly. We are a little sorry we changed it.
Is Food required? Yes. Opting out is a known critical failure state and is not supported.
Can I switch providers? You may switch vendors within the platform. You may not exit the platform.
Who is responsible for food deserts? Please direct billing disputes to capitalism.