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drafting spec…
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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
--- name: Feature Request slug: feature-request type: interface status: running version: 4.1.2 released: 1968-01-01 maintainer: Product Management, LLC (a subsidiary of Hope, Inc.) dependencies: - user-feedback - product-roadmap - quarterly-priorities - stakeholder-alignment - patience license: Proprietary. All feature requests become property of the receiving organization upon submission. tags: - user-voice - backlog - product - enterprise - aspirational ---
A formal transfer of hope from a user to an organization, processed asynchronously, with no guaranteed delivery.
Feature Request (hereafter "the Product") enables end users to submit structured expressions of unmet need to a product team. The Product team will acknowledge receipt, assign a priority score between 0.0 and 0.1, and file the submission in a location that is internally referred to as "the backlog" and externally referred to as "under consideration."
The Product does not guarantee implementation. The Product does not guarantee review. The Product guarantees a confirmation email.
"We submitted this in 2019. It was marked 'planned.' The company has since been acquired twice." — Verified Enterprise Customer
| Tier | Submission Limit | Response Time | Likelihood of Implementation |
|---|---|---|---|
| Free | Unlimited | Never | 0.3% |
| Pro ($49/mo) | Unlimited | "Soon" | 1.1% |
| Enterprise (Call Us) | Unlimited | One (1) Zoom call | 4.8% |
| Strategic Partner | Unlimited | We will name a feature after you | It becomes your problem |
Note: Upgrading your tier improves response time, not outcomes. This distinction is intentional and has been reviewed by Legal.
The organization commits to the following:
Breach of SLA entitles the user to resubmit the same request with more exclamation points.
Effective immediately, the following submission types are no longer supported:
These submission types will continue to be accepted. They will not be processed.
v4.1.2 Renamed "Rejected" status to "Archived for Future Consideration." No behavioral change.
v4.0.0 Introduced upvoting system. Clarified internally that upvotes do not influence roadmap decisions. This was not communicated externally.
v3.2.1 Apologize for v3.2.0, in which all submissions were auto-closed during a database migration. We have learned from this.
v3.2.0 (Deprecated) Do not reference this version in any public forum.
v2.0.0 Added dark mode support. Closed 14,000 open requests. Largest single-day backlog reduction in company history.
v1.0.0 Initial release. Product team read every submission personally. This did not scale.
Q: Is my feature request being reviewed? A: It is being stored.
Q: How do I escalate? A: You may submit a feature request for a better feature request process. This will be logged.
Q: What happens to requests that are not implemented? A: They become technical debt in another form: resentment.