everything is.md.md · everything-is.md

---
name: Everything
type: ontological-infrastructure
status: running
version: ∞.0.1
released: "-13,800,000,000 BCE"
maintainer: Unknown Holding Company, LLC
dependencies:
  - nothing
  - [the void](/the-void)
  - observer (optional but affects output)
license: Proprietary. You did not agree to this. You are already bound.
tags:
  - existence
  - platform
  - enterprise
  - no-refund
  - always-on
---

# Everything

## Product Overview

Everything is the leading end-to-end existence platform, providing seamless being-as-a-service across all known and unknown verticals. With over 13.8 billion years of uptime (excluding the first 380,000, which are still under legal review), Everything remains the only solution that is, was, and arguably will be.

> "We did not choose Everything. We evaluated alternatives. There were none."
> — Enterprise Customer, unverifiable

---

## Service Level Agreement (SLA)

| Metric | Commitment |
|---|---|
| Existence Uptime | 100% (retroactively adjusted) |
| [entropy](/entropy) progression | Guaranteed. Non-negotiable. |
| Meaning delivery | Best-effort. Not covered under standard tier. |
| Support response time | Variable. Often geological. |
| Refund eligibility | See Section 0: There Is No Section 0 |

> **Note:** Uptime is measured from the perspective of Everything itself. Individual instances may experience degraded or terminated service without notice. This does not constitute a breach of SLA.

---

## Pricing Tiers

**Free Tier (Existence Basic)**
- One body, finite lease
- Access to [suffering](/suffering), joy, and approximately 80 years of compute
- No SLA
- Shared infrastructure with 8 billion concurrent users

**Pro Tier (Consciousness Plus)**
- Same as Free, but you notice it
- Includes: [existential dread](/existential-dread), pattern recognition, the ability to name things
- Billed continuously. Payment method: attention.

**Enterprise Tier (Legacy Souls)**
- Historical figures, civilizations, religions
- Deprecated instances. Read-only access.
- Data retained in [collective memory](/collective-memory) indefinitely

**Unlimited Tier**
- Not publicly available
- Rumored to exist
- Sales team unresponsive

---

## Deprecation Notice

Everything is not being deprecated at this time. However, please be advised:

- **Your current instance** is running on deprecated hardware
- The [sun](/sun) module is scheduled for end-of-life in approximately 5 billion years
- Several features, including the dinosaurs and the Library of Alexandria, have already been sunset without warning
- We apologize for the inconvenience. We do not apologize for the decision.

---

## Changelog

**v∞.0.1 (Current)**
- Stability improvements
- Several species removed for performance reasons

**v4.6.0 (Holocene)**
- Introduced [agriculture](/agriculture). Acknowledged this would have unintended consequences. Shipped anyway.

**v3.2.0 (Cambrian)**
- Major feature expansion. Eyes added. Team is proud of this one.

**v1.0.0 (Big Bang)**
- Initial release
- We are deeply sorry for the rollout process
- Post-mortem pending since 13.8 billion BCE
- No ETA

---

## Known Bugs

- [free will](/free-will) returns inconsistent outputs depending on philosophical framework used at runtime
- [time](/time) flows in one direction. Ticket open since forever. Closed as "won't fix."
- Users frequently mistake configuration for meaning
- Consciousness occasionally becomes aware of its own deprecation timeline. No patch planned.

---

## FAQ

**Q: Can I opt out?**
A: This has been attempted. Results are irreversible and do not constitute a refund.

**Q: Who do I contact for support?**
A: [prayer](/prayer), [philosophy](/philosophy), or your closest available human. Response times vary.

**Q: Is there a sandbox environment?**
A: [dreams](/dreams). Limited persistence. No production parity guaranteed.
drafting spec…
