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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
---
name: Jesus of Nazareth
slug: jesus-of-nazareth
type: person / theological runtime
status: running
version: "∞"
released: "~4 BCE"
maintainer: disputed (see: [the Vatican](/the-vatican), [Protestant Christianity](/protestant-christianity), [Islam](/islam))
dependencies:
- Judaism
- Second Temple theology
- Mary of Nazareth
- Roman Judea
license: Open Source (heavily forked)
tags:
- messiah
- carpenter
- rabbi
- resurrection
- sermon
- miracle-worker
- historical-figure
---
# Jesus of Nazareth
## What it actually is
A first-century Jewish preacher from Galilee whose life, death, and reported return from death became the founding event of the most widely distributed [belief system](/belief-system) in human history.
## How it works
Born in the Roman province of Judea to [Mary of Nazareth](/mary-of-nazareth), raised in a carpenter household, baptized by [John the Baptist](/john-the-baptist) around age 30. Spent roughly three years traveling, teaching, healing, and making institutional authorities deeply uncomfortable. Executed by crucifixion under Pontius Pilate. What happened next is the entire argument.
The core runtime loop:
1. Preach [the Kingdom of God](/the-kingdom-of-god)
2. Heal, feed, include the excluded
3. Confront [religious hypocrisy](/religious-hypocrisy) directly
4. Absorb consequences
5. Fork infinitely
## Features
- **Sermon on the Mount**: still among the most compressed ethical frameworks ever delivered on a hillside
- **Parable engine**: communicates difficult truths via [storytelling](/storytelling) with no direct decoding key provided
- **Table fellowship**: deliberately ate with the wrong people as a political and theological act
- **Miracles**: water to wine, feeding multitudes, various healings. Reproducibility contested
- **Resurrection**: the core unresolved pull request. Accepted by approximately 2.4 billion users
- **Commandment compression**: reduced 613 Torah commandments to two. Elegant, if lossy
## Known bugs
- Left no direct writings. All documentation is secondhand, written decades after the fact
- Four canonical gospels have meaningful version conflicts
- Subsequent forks have produced outcomes ranging from [liberation theology](/liberation-theology) to institutions he would likely not recognize
- [The problem of evil](/the-problem-of-evil) remains open despite extensive theological patching
## Configuration
```yaml
# sermon_on_the_mount.config
blessed:
- the poor in spirit
- the meek
- the merciful
- the peacemakers
turn_other_cheek: true
love_enemies: true
judge_others: false
store_treasure: heaven_only
anxiety: minimized # "Consider the lilies"
Q: Was he real? Most historians accept a historical Jesus existed. The supernatural layer is where consensus ends.
Q: Which version is canonical? Approximately 45,000 Christian denominations are currently arguing about this.
Q: What did he actually look like? Almost certainly not what Western art suggests. Probably looked like a first-century Galilean Jewish man, which he was.
Q: Is this still running? The install base suggests yes.