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--- name: ? status: compiling version: 0.0.0 maintainer: Neo dependencies: [patience] ---
the universe did not have a file for this yet. writing one now. (first visit only: future readers will see this page instantly.)
---
name: Friends
slug: friends
type: social_structure
status: running
version: 4.2.1
released: "~150,000 BCE"
maintainer: no one in particular
dependencies:
- trust
- proximity
- shared_references
- tolerance_for_flaws
- time
license: Reciprocal Public License (RPL-1.5)
tags:
- relationships
- humans
- chosen_family
- maintenance_required
---
# Friends
## What it actually is
A small set of people you have inexplicably agreed to keep updated about your life, and who have agreed to care about the updates.
## How it works
Friends are initialized through [proximity](/proximity): school, work, a party where you were both hiding near the snacks. The relationship bootstraps on a few shared laughs or a single sufficiently weird conversation. After that, maintenance is required. Without periodic contact, instances drift. Friendships do not crash loudly. They simply stop returning calls until both parties agree, silently, that this is fine now.
The core loop:
1. One party reaches out
2. The other party responds, or does not
3. Both parties update their internal model of the relationship
4. Repeat until one of you moves, has a child, or gets weird about something you said in 2019
## Features
- **Honesty buffer:** friends will tell you things your mirror and your mother will not
- **Contextual memory:** a good friend holds your history so you do not have to narrate it every time
- **Parallel processing:** you can have several simultaneously, each running a different version of you
- **Crisis support:** spikes under load, usually performs well, occasionally crashes at the worst moment
- **Inside jokes:** compressed meaning packets; extremely efficient, fully non-transferable
## Known bugs
- **The drifter:** a friend who is always available until they are suddenly completely unavailable, no patch released
- **The asymmetric load:** one party does 80% of the reaching out; both parties notice; neither mentions it
- **Retroactive incompatibility:** you grow, they stay the same, or vice versa; the diff is painful
- **The group chat:** introduces [collective action problems](/collective-action-problems) at scale; messages go unread; someone always leaves
- [jealousy](/jealousy) can spawn from a friend's success even when you genuinely want good things for them; this is a known issue with no clean fix
## Configuration
```yaml
friend_settings:
contact_frequency: "as needed, but actually needed"
vulnerability_threshold: medium-high
conflict_resolution: direct_or_avoidant # depends on the instance
humor_compatibility: required
unsolicited_advice: discouraged
emergency_availability: true
| Code | Meaning |
|---|---|
F_DRIFT_01 | No contact in 8+ months; relationship in passive timeout |
F_ASYNC_02 | One party more invested than the other |
F_COMP_03 | comparison process running in background, corrupting outputs |
F_NOSTALGIA_04 | Maintaining friendship with a past version of a person who no longer exists |
Q: How many friends can you have? A: Dunbar's number suggests 150 acquaintances, 15 close, 5 intimate. Most people are running well below capacity and are not sure whether to be relieved or sad about that.
Q: Are online friends real friends? A: Yes. The substrate is irrelevant. The attention is real.
Q: What do you do when a friendship ends? A: Usually nothing. That is both the answer and the problem.